the air still feels so heavy, and he doesn't feel like this thank you meant very much; all the same, he knows that giving any apologies will likely be met with ire too.
what is he supposed to do now?
it's not usually stahn that feels this way, but right now... he's the one who wants to escape. he's still not sure if they solved anything at all between them (even though he misses the way things used to be so much), and he's still not really sure how to deal with the advice that leon gave him.
so wordlessly, he pushes his chair out, though he doesn't yet make a move to stand. better as he is in terms of composure, the lack of food and his crashed blood sugar doesn't really help him be any less shaky, after all.]
[Really, it just makes him feel worse. Leon's usually the sort to withdraw into himself when he's upset, but... right now, the thought that Stahn feels the need to get away from him and be on his own honestly hurts a little. Still... it wouldn't be Leon if he said something along those lines; instead, he only glances at Stahn before turning his gaze back away again.
In some ways, they've moved forward due to this conversation.
But in a lot of ways, it also doesn't feel like it, not just yet, when they're both sad and tired and worn down.]
[stahn doesn't feel good about it either, of course—walking away from leon under any circumstance is really difficult for him anyway...
but right now, it's what he needs to do.]
Sorry, I...
[it's still hard for him to even spit the words out because of how difficult it is.]
I'm going to get cleaned up. [he didn't eat. he didn't drink his coffee. all he did was cry and vomit in the sink, and yet, he's already trying to retreat... maybe partially because he knows leon won't actually stop him.]
He almost opens his mouth, and almost calls Stahn back.
But in the end, Stahn's right, and he doesn't. He doesn't call Stahn back, and he doesn't do anything but dropping his gaze further. In this moment, he's not sure if he wants to be alone or not.
He can't tell.
And so, quietly, his shoulders slump, and he doesn't say anything, and he just lets Stahn go.]
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no subject
the air still feels so heavy, and he doesn't feel like this thank you meant very much; all the same, he knows that giving any apologies will likely be met with ire too.
what is he supposed to do now?
it's not usually stahn that feels this way, but right now... he's the one who wants to escape. he's still not sure if they solved anything at all between them (even though he misses the way things used to be so much), and he's still not really sure how to deal with the advice that leon gave him.
so wordlessly, he pushes his chair out, though he doesn't yet make a move to stand. better as he is in terms of composure, the lack of food and his crashed blood sugar doesn't really help him be any less shaky, after all.]
no subject
In some ways, they've moved forward due to this conversation.
But in a lot of ways, it also doesn't feel like it, not just yet, when they're both sad and tired and worn down.]
no subject
but right now, it's what he needs to do.]
Sorry, I...
[it's still hard for him to even spit the words out because of how difficult it is.]
I'm going to get cleaned up. [he didn't eat. he didn't drink his coffee. all he did was cry and vomit in the sink, and yet, he's already trying to retreat... maybe partially because he knows leon won't actually stop him.]
no subject
He almost opens his mouth, and almost calls Stahn back.
But in the end, Stahn's right, and he doesn't. He doesn't call Stahn back, and he doesn't do anything but dropping his gaze further. In this moment, he's not sure if he wants to be alone or not.
He can't tell.
And so, quietly, his shoulders slump, and he doesn't say anything, and he just lets Stahn go.]