Seeing Stahn like this is incredibly pitiful, but Leon doesn't know what to do about it. Somehow, after all of that... it doesn't feel right to offer up his hand. Instead, after a long pause, he just sighs and crouches next to Stahn--but just to clean up the french toast he dropped.
But at least this way... he's also closer, and at the same level, even if he's still avoiding Stahn's eyes.]
[stahn remains that way, which... is honestly probably not the best thing when they've got a second animal on the loose that is curiously making its way over. stahn's oblivious to it though, so he honestly doesn't notice when it makes contact with leon, sharing a memory all his own.
it's very depths of mikheil; a place that leon wouldn't recognize. it's lined with escape pods, and at the scene is... well, the entire party, and marian.
they've saved her, and it's a relief, but of course—those words come. "Master Em—Leon... he's not with you?"
there's the incredibly saddened silence that falls over, chelsea's choked back tears and mary telling her to be strong. there's the rest of them, and stahn especially, despite his obvious grief, saying that leon had somewhere else to be, that he couldn't join them. it's an obvious lie, and stahn and rutee seem to be struggling the most, despite the way they smile for marian's sake.
she knows, and it's obvious she knows the truth. leon wouldn't be rejoining them. she cites her worries about his reasons, and rutee insists not to treat him as a dead man. and that question eventually comes: "You're... Stahn, right? Master Leon... he always spoke so fondly of you," stahn's declaration that they're best friends, and followed by her thanking stahn for being such a good friend to him. somehow, through all of that, marian finds a smile and cites that she'll return to that manor to wait for leon, because that's her duty to him.
...the memory is long and drawn out, the entire conversation played for leon's eyes with every last emotion that made that rescue as important as it was. it's a moment that resonates so strongly with stahn, the last he has of their world before cerealia, and the strange moment that was supposed to give him some sort of closure and validation, because he kept his promise to leon.
of course, when it ends, stahn's fingers are digging into the floor tiles, because everything is spinning and though he could probably guess what happened and having it happen the other way, it's... a lot more overwhelming while still dealing with all of the feelings from leon's memory as well.]
Even having realized that memories were being exchanged, Leon couldn't have expected suddenly receiving Stahn's, and Leon's overwhelmed--the view, the sensations, the very image of Marian again...
It makes his heart hurt and his throat close up, even as he's able to see. She asked for him. But she knew. He can see it in her eyes, even as she vows to wait for him, and he wants to ask her why--but this isn't his memory, this is Stahn's, and he can see how distressed everyone is by it, even if he doesn't understand (why would they be so upset over this? He's grateful they tried to comfort her, but why?) and...
When he comes out of it, he can see that Stahn doesn't look so good, but...he's not capable of doing anything right now. He's crouched there on the floor instead, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles are white, and despite himself... his eyes are wet.
He never thought he'd be able to see Marian ever again. But seeing her like that?
whatever memory leon saw, stahn can't focus enough to ask if he just experienced something, or what he did.
the feeling of seeing leon's heart-wrenching memory had already made him feel sick from how painful and invasive it was; now he's feeling physically ill too. his stomach churns, the room is spinning and... stahn can't handle any of the sensations at all. it's all too much for him and he honestly feels like he's going to vomit.
no, wait.
make that, he's going to vomit.
it's a struggle, but stahn pulls himself to his feet, incredibly shaky. he's unsteady enough that he completely stumbles towards the sink, hitting his head against the faucet with a clang before he begins to retch directly into the sink. there's not much to empty, considering he hasn't yet eaten, but yeah. it sure is happening well before stahn can ask anything to leon; even as he does this much, his legs are wobbling and he's gripping the edge of the counter tightly for support.]
[He can hear Stahn retching, and he really is concerned--but even so, there's not a lot he can do at the moment, overwhelmed as he is. He can't move, remaining crouched on the floor, breathing shallowly in an attempt to not start hyperventilating.
Marian had been that concerned for him, even after everything she'd gone through because of him.
And she was going to wait for him, just as Stahn had said, even though she knew he was dead.
He breathes out a shuddering breath, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, feeling the wetness gather at his eyelashes. He doesn't want this--he didn't want any of this. And Stahn isn't okay, but Leon's not in any position to help him either, not at the moment.]
retching doesn't help much; even after doing so, he still feels completely awful and dizzy to the point that all he can do is turn his back to the sink (which is gross but he's not cleaning it up yet), sinking down to the floor with his back to the lower cabinets.
he's trembling, he's got tears in his eyes and he can't even keep them open because of how much everything is spinning. he barely even seems to be able to wipe his nose and his mouth; he's coughing a bit and his breathing is heavy... and now he's uncomfortable from the muscles tensing as he vomited.
he's not in a position to help leon, either. he can't even ask what he saw; he can't even look at leon to see how he's doing. all he can do is let out a barely audible, discomfited groan—he feels like he could probably vomit again if he had it in him to even move.]
After a few moments more of trying so hard to find his composure, he's able to slowly drag in a shuddering breath, and then he stands slowly, leaving the mess of french toast where it is for now. He brushes a sleeve over his eyes immediately, ruthlessly, and then he steps over to Stahn, who still doesn't look good at all.
Leon's voice is hoarse... but he'll at least sound reasonably calm otherwise.]
What do you need? [With how sick he is... what will make him feel better?]
[he can't speak at first, but he doesn't seem too surprised that leon has recovered more quickly than he has. leon is strong in ways that stahn knows he isn't himself, so the fact he can pick himself so much easier than stahn can?
it's not surprising.
maybe it's even a little comforting that leon can be to stable in ways he knows he can't be himself.
he's still troubled by seeing leon's memory, but it's more how dizzy he is and how he just puked that seems to be the cause for the tears in his eyes.]
Sit... with me. [that's what stahn wants. he can't move yet, and even opening his eyes feels like a bad idea. more hoarse than leon, he utters those words, shaky and desperate.
he wants to ask what leon saw, and if he's okay, but he still needs more time to try and regain his composure.]
If that's really what Stahn needs right now, Leon will do it. After all.. he still feels some lingering gratitude, seeing Stahn and the others properly save Marian like that. And so he just sighs, and gestures towards the kitchen table.]
Go sit. I will join you in a moment.
[He knows Stahn is unsteady, but the kitchen is quite frankly a disaster, so he thinks Stahn will feel better if he sits elsewhere, where there isn't such a mess. As for Leon... he turns on the sink and sets to scraping up the french toast, at least a little of the mess getting removed.]
[leon isn't refusing, and he'll take that as a good sign. still though, it takes him a minute to pull himself to his feet, and even at that? he's unsteady. he's wobbling as he stands, stumbling to the table, and when he sits?
his first agenda is just to lean forward, pressing his head against the table and closing his eyes.
it's all still spinning, and it probably should be subsiding a bit, but the truth is that being a bit dizzied by what he saw isn't helping. but he'll wait, breaths shallow and quiet as leon cleans up.]
[It's going to take a few moments for Leon to clean up to the point where he's satisfied; it's just surface level cleaning, but at least the kitchen looks less like a disasterzone.
And then he makes his way to the table and just.
Sits in one of the other chairs silently.
Honestly?
He has no idea what to say or where to begin--or even if he should say anything at all.]
[stahn still doesn't lift his head, but he's paying attention. he hears the movement of the chair and leon taking a seat.
and... the air feels so heavy around them.
but he can't sit in silence this way; he can't just let things carry on like this, because that's just not stahn. he's still worried about leon, after all. even if stahn was the one that was overwhelmed to the point of making himself sick, he still can't ignore the fact that leon was hurting.
and that leon may have seen something crucial. so he draws in a shaky, uneven breath before speaking—and even at that, he still sounds tentative.]
[He draws in a sharp breath, but when he breathes it out again, it's mostly steady. If he doesn't think too hard about it... it's okay. If he doesn't dwell (not on Marian's face, not on her words, not on how she'd known he was dead, not on how he'll never see her again)...then it's okay.
(It's not okay.)]
... I did.
[Of course he did.
It'd be silly to deny it. So he steels himself, drawing in another slow breath.]
I...saw when you saved Marian.
[He saw Marian again.]
And for that... I suppose I had ought to thank you again.
[it could have been worse. it could have been a whole lot worse when he thinks about the things that happened before that. stahn's not sure he could bear it if leon saw the direct aftermath of his sacrifice, or the way he and rutee cried together in radislowe. ilene's death, or anything in-between.
this was still painful, because even stahn hasn't forgotten anything that happened on that day... but...
maybe leon could get some closure from it?
he finally finds it in him to lift his head, looking at leon with eyes that... are hard to discern the expression. relieved? sad? still pained? it seems like a bit of everything.]
It was my promise to you. [he wouldn't let marian die, no matter what.] I... couldn't break that promise, no matter what.
[Seeing her again had honestly almost been too much for him; even now, when he thinks of that memory, it makes his breathing grow shakier. Because there's a part of him that still so badly wants to see her again, and yet he knows that it's not possible.
And even if it was, he wouldn't go see her anyway.
It wouldn't be fair to her, after the suffering he put her through.
He drops his gaze to the table, and dully:]
Thank you.
[He does appreciate it; there's no doubt about that, despite his tone. He's infinitely grateful that Stahn saved Marian. It's just that everything else is so difficult to handle emotionally right now.]
[he knows. there's not a single moment where he'd ever question if leon was truly appreciative or not.]
She's... the most important person to you. [stahn knows that. he knows how much leon loves marian.]
I would have done it anyway, but... You were counting on me. I... couldn't do anything for you but this. I couldn't let you down.
[his gaze shifts again, also looking down at the table. he still hurts a lot from everything that happened. all of it hurts, and it really does take everything in him to not break his composure (he still might, but he hasn't done so yet, somehow).]
What we all want... what we promised...
To not let the chances you gave us go to waste. This is just the start of that.
[She is. There's no doubting that--that Marian is his most important, that he would've done anything for her. But even so... Stahn didn't have to, and Leon never asked it of him. More than anything... all Leon had asked was that he take care of the rest.
Stahn chose to save Marian on his own...and that's just like Stahn.
Quietly, Leon bows his head, breathing out a shaky breath.]
You did not have to, though. That you decided to do so...that was due to your own choices. Though... [Heh.] I suppose that is the sort of person you are.
She's someone important to you, and you risked everything in order to save her. [and then, he'll admit what they both know is true, but is never said.
maybe because he's so overwhelmed, maybe because any restraint and dignity is lost after vomiting in the sink. but stahn isn't thinking about the boundaries that they usually have set.]
And you... you're important to me. I couldn't keep going... trying to put an end to this without saving someone who means so much to you. All of us...
Not when he saw all of their faces when they were talking to Marian. Not when he saw the tears, the pained looks--everything. Not when Stahn has been saying that for far too long already.
Not when he's too tired to deny it any longer.
Quietly, Leon just allows his head to drop, posture almost defeated as he sits there at the table, forearms resting flat on it.]
[stahn doesn't know, either. he doesn't know what to say—maybe part of him should be happy that leon isn't trying to fight it. maybe he should be happy that leon is finally understanding just how important he is to them, and just how deeply his death affected them.
but he's not happy.
he feels tired. he feels sick. he hurts in just about every way.
he doesn't really know what to do anymore, either.
his head dips, letting his hair fall over his eyes as he sucks in a shuddering breath. whatever sense of composure he'd been trying to hold onto his crumbling very quickly, try as he might to stop it.]
[They're both tired. They're both unhappy, and neither of them knows what to do from here. They've rehashed this same territory time and time again, and...
Leon's come to a conclusion that's hard for him to spit out.
That he was wrong.
That everything he did was wrong. They both know that it's true, but putting it to words is so impossible, and... the fact of the matter is that he still would've done it again. For Marian... he would have done it all over again.]
I don't... know what to say. [He'll admit that much finally, eyes on the table.] All that has happened... it seems as though you have done nothing but clean up after my-- [Mistakes.]
[stahn is firm in that much. even if his voices cracks and breaks under the weight of his feelings.]
Hugo... Hugo would have done all of those things with or without you there. He used you... he took advantage of what mattered most to you. That's...
I can't blame you for that. None of us do. [still, he can't bring himself to look up at leon right now.
normally, stahn would look him in the eye and reaffirm that with a confident gaze—he can't do that, though. instead, he's trying to use his forearm to wipe away the tears he doesn't want leon to see.
not that there's much point in hiding them when they both know he's crying right now, this isn't anything new to them when things get bad.]
[It's true. Hugo used him, because he was too weak to stop him. Hugo defeated him, then made him do everything he wanted him to do, at his own whim and pleasure.
If Leon had been stronger, maybe he could have stood against him.
But he was too weak. And because of him... people died. Leon knows that. There's no denying it--he knew what would happen when Hugo's plans came to fruition.]
Even so... there is no denying that my participation in this caused further harm. You do not have to deny that for my sake.
[and it is true. stahn knows that leon being complicit in this didn't help. stahn may be kind of slow... but he knows all of this.
he knows leon is still a guilty party. he knows that leon did these things knowing the consequences of his actions. what he did was still a huge problem, and even though it's true he causes messes that needed to be cleaned up.
he isn't the sole reason for it.
he was coerced, and seemingly against his own morals just because marian's life was at risk.
stahn never once believed that what leon did was without reason.]
I know... you wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for Marian. I know that she's that important to you...
And I know that what Hugo wants and believes isn't what you wanted. So... even if those things are true, they still don't matter to me.
They should matter to Stahn, but even so... Leon believes him when he says they don't. It's a very Stahn thing to say, and so despite Leon's frustrations... he simply sighs, shaking his head dully and glancing away. He doesn't know what else to do at this point, honestly.
He's just tired, and he knows he's guilty, and Stahn absolving him of that guilt isn't enough to erase it. And Leon knows it shouldn't be. He should never be able to just shake off the things he chose to do.]
How can you be so accepting of this? I chose this. I picked one single person's lives over all of yours, and everyone else's.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Seeing Stahn like this is incredibly pitiful, but Leon doesn't know what to do about it. Somehow, after all of that... it doesn't feel right to offer up his hand. Instead, after a long pause, he just sighs and crouches next to Stahn--but just to clean up the french toast he dropped.
But at least this way... he's also closer, and at the same level, even if he's still avoiding Stahn's eyes.]
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it's very depths of mikheil; a place that leon wouldn't recognize. it's lined with escape pods, and at the scene is... well, the entire party, and marian.
they've saved her, and it's a relief, but of course—those words come. "Master Em—Leon... he's not with you?"
there's the incredibly saddened silence that falls over, chelsea's choked back tears and mary telling her to be strong. there's the rest of them, and stahn especially, despite his obvious grief, saying that leon had somewhere else to be, that he couldn't join them. it's an obvious lie, and stahn and rutee seem to be struggling the most, despite the way they smile for marian's sake.
she knows, and it's obvious she knows the truth. leon wouldn't be rejoining them. she cites her worries about his reasons, and rutee insists not to treat him as a dead man. and that question eventually comes: "You're... Stahn, right? Master Leon... he always spoke so fondly of you," stahn's declaration that they're best friends, and followed by her thanking stahn for being such a good friend to him. somehow, through all of that, marian finds a smile and cites that she'll return to that manor to wait for leon, because that's her duty to him.
...the memory is long and drawn out, the entire conversation played for leon's eyes with every last emotion that made that rescue as important as it was. it's a moment that resonates so strongly with stahn, the last he has of their world before cerealia, and the strange moment that was supposed to give him some sort of closure and validation, because he kept his promise to leon.
of course, when it ends, stahn's fingers are digging into the floor tiles, because everything is spinning and though he could probably guess what happened and having it happen the other way, it's... a lot more overwhelming while still dealing with all of the feelings from leon's memory as well.]
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Even having realized that memories were being exchanged, Leon couldn't have expected suddenly receiving Stahn's, and Leon's overwhelmed--the view, the sensations, the very image of Marian again...
It makes his heart hurt and his throat close up, even as he's able to see. She asked for him. But she knew. He can see it in her eyes, even as she vows to wait for him, and he wants to ask her why--but this isn't his memory, this is Stahn's, and he can see how distressed everyone is by it, even if he doesn't understand (why would they be so upset over this? He's grateful they tried to comfort her, but why?) and...
When he comes out of it, he can see that Stahn doesn't look so good, but...he's not capable of doing anything right now. He's crouched there on the floor instead, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles are white, and despite himself... his eyes are wet.
He never thought he'd be able to see Marian ever again. But seeing her like that?
It's almost worst.]
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whatever memory leon saw, stahn can't focus enough to ask if he just experienced something, or what he did.
the feeling of seeing leon's heart-wrenching memory had already made him feel sick from how painful and invasive it was; now he's feeling physically ill too. his stomach churns, the room is spinning and... stahn can't handle any of the sensations at all. it's all too much for him and he honestly feels like he's going to vomit.
no, wait.
make that, he's going to vomit.
it's a struggle, but stahn pulls himself to his feet, incredibly shaky. he's unsteady enough that he completely stumbles towards the sink, hitting his head against the faucet with a clang before he begins to retch directly into the sink. there's not much to empty, considering he hasn't yet eaten, but yeah. it sure is happening well before stahn can ask anything to leon; even as he does this much, his legs are wobbling and he's gripping the edge of the counter tightly for support.]
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Marian had been that concerned for him, even after everything she'd gone through because of him.
And she was going to wait for him, just as Stahn had said, even though she knew he was dead.
He breathes out a shuddering breath, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, feeling the wetness gather at his eyelashes. He doesn't want this--he didn't want any of this. And Stahn isn't okay, but Leon's not in any position to help him either, not at the moment.]
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retching doesn't help much; even after doing so, he still feels completely awful and dizzy to the point that all he can do is turn his back to the sink (which is gross but he's not cleaning it up yet), sinking down to the floor with his back to the lower cabinets.
he's trembling, he's got tears in his eyes and he can't even keep them open because of how much everything is spinning. he barely even seems to be able to wipe his nose and his mouth; he's coughing a bit and his breathing is heavy... and now he's uncomfortable from the muscles tensing as he vomited.
he's not in a position to help leon, either. he can't even ask what he saw; he can't even look at leon to see how he's doing. all he can do is let out a barely audible, discomfited groan—he feels like he could probably vomit again if he had it in him to even move.]
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After a few moments more of trying so hard to find his composure, he's able to slowly drag in a shuddering breath, and then he stands slowly, leaving the mess of french toast where it is for now. He brushes a sleeve over his eyes immediately, ruthlessly, and then he steps over to Stahn, who still doesn't look good at all.
Leon's voice is hoarse... but he'll at least sound reasonably calm otherwise.]
What do you need? [With how sick he is... what will make him feel better?]
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it's not surprising.
maybe it's even a little comforting that leon can be to stable in ways he knows he can't be himself.
he's still troubled by seeing leon's memory, but it's more how dizzy he is and how he just puked that seems to be the cause for the tears in his eyes.]
Sit... with me. [that's what stahn wants. he can't move yet, and even opening his eyes feels like a bad idea. more hoarse than leon, he utters those words, shaky and desperate.
he wants to ask what leon saw, and if he's okay, but he still needs more time to try and regain his composure.]
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If that's really what Stahn needs right now, Leon will do it. After all.. he still feels some lingering gratitude, seeing Stahn and the others properly save Marian like that. And so he just sighs, and gestures towards the kitchen table.]
Go sit. I will join you in a moment.
[He knows Stahn is unsteady, but the kitchen is quite frankly a disaster, so he thinks Stahn will feel better if he sits elsewhere, where there isn't such a mess. As for Leon... he turns on the sink and sets to scraping up the french toast, at least a little of the mess getting removed.]
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[leon isn't refusing, and he'll take that as a good sign. still though, it takes him a minute to pull himself to his feet, and even at that? he's unsteady. he's wobbling as he stands, stumbling to the table, and when he sits?
his first agenda is just to lean forward, pressing his head against the table and closing his eyes.
it's all still spinning, and it probably should be subsiding a bit, but the truth is that being a bit dizzied by what he saw isn't helping. but he'll wait, breaths shallow and quiet as leon cleans up.]
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And then he makes his way to the table and just.
Sits in one of the other chairs silently.
Honestly?
He has no idea what to say or where to begin--or even if he should say anything at all.]
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and... the air feels so heavy around them.
but he can't sit in silence this way; he can't just let things carry on like this, because that's just not stahn. he's still worried about leon, after all. even if stahn was the one that was overwhelmed to the point of making himself sick, he still can't ignore the fact that leon was hurting.
and that leon may have seen something crucial. so he draws in a shaky, uneven breath before speaking—and even at that, he still sounds tentative.]
You... saw something, didn't you?
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(It's not okay.)]
... I did.
[Of course he did.
It'd be silly to deny it. So he steels himself, drawing in another slow breath.]
I...saw when you saved Marian.
[He saw Marian again.]
And for that... I suppose I had ought to thank you again.
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[it could have been worse. it could have been a whole lot worse when he thinks about the things that happened before that. stahn's not sure he could bear it if leon saw the direct aftermath of his sacrifice, or the way he and rutee cried together in radislowe. ilene's death, or anything in-between.
this was still painful, because even stahn hasn't forgotten anything that happened on that day... but...
maybe leon could get some closure from it?
he finally finds it in him to lift his head, looking at leon with eyes that... are hard to discern the expression. relieved? sad? still pained? it seems like a bit of everything.]
It was my promise to you. [he wouldn't let marian die, no matter what.] I... couldn't break that promise, no matter what.
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And even if it was, he wouldn't go see her anyway.
It wouldn't be fair to her, after the suffering he put her through.
He drops his gaze to the table, and dully:]
Thank you.
[He does appreciate it; there's no doubt about that, despite his tone. He's infinitely grateful that Stahn saved Marian. It's just that everything else is so difficult to handle emotionally right now.]
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She's... the most important person to you. [stahn knows that. he knows how much leon loves marian.]
I would have done it anyway, but... You were counting on me. I... couldn't do anything for you but this. I couldn't let you down.
[his gaze shifts again, also looking down at the table. he still hurts a lot from everything that happened. all of it hurts, and it really does take everything in him to not break his composure (he still might, but he hasn't done so yet, somehow).]
What we all want... what we promised...
To not let the chances you gave us go to waste. This is just the start of that.
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Stahn chose to save Marian on his own...and that's just like Stahn.
Quietly, Leon bows his head, breathing out a shaky breath.]
You did not have to, though. That you decided to do so...that was due to your own choices. Though... [Heh.] I suppose that is the sort of person you are.
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[stahn will argue that point firmly.]
She's someone important to you, and you risked everything in order to save her. [and then, he'll admit what they both know is true, but is never said.
maybe because he's so overwhelmed, maybe because any restraint and dignity is lost after vomiting in the sink. but stahn isn't thinking about the boundaries that they usually have set.]
And you... you're important to me. I couldn't keep going... trying to put an end to this without saving someone who means so much to you. All of us...
We all wanted to make sure she was safe.
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[He can't deny that any longer.
Not when he saw all of their faces when they were talking to Marian. Not when he saw the tears, the pained looks--everything. Not when Stahn has been saying that for far too long already.
Not when he's too tired to deny it any longer.
Quietly, Leon just allows his head to drop, posture almost defeated as he sits there at the table, forearms resting flat on it.]
... I know.
[But...what else can he possibly say to that?]
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but he's not happy.
he feels tired. he feels sick. he hurts in just about every way.
he doesn't really know what to do anymore, either.
his head dips, letting his hair fall over his eyes as he sucks in a shuddering breath. whatever sense of composure he'd been trying to hold onto his crumbling very quickly, try as he might to stop it.]
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Leon's come to a conclusion that's hard for him to spit out.
That he was wrong.
That everything he did was wrong. They both know that it's true, but putting it to words is so impossible, and... the fact of the matter is that he still would've done it again. For Marian... he would have done it all over again.]
I don't... know what to say. [He'll admit that much finally, eyes on the table.] All that has happened... it seems as though you have done nothing but clean up after my-- [Mistakes.]
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[stahn is firm in that much. even if his voices cracks and breaks under the weight of his feelings.]
Hugo... Hugo would have done all of those things with or without you there. He used you... he took advantage of what mattered most to you. That's...
I can't blame you for that. None of us do. [still, he can't bring himself to look up at leon right now.
normally, stahn would look him in the eye and reaffirm that with a confident gaze—he can't do that, though. instead, he's trying to use his forearm to wipe away the tears he doesn't want leon to see.
not that there's much point in hiding them when they both know he's crying right now, this isn't anything new to them when things get bad.]
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If Leon had been stronger, maybe he could have stood against him.
But he was too weak. And because of him... people died. Leon knows that. There's no denying it--he knew what would happen when Hugo's plans came to fruition.]
Even so... there is no denying that my participation in this caused further harm. You do not have to deny that for my sake.
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[and it is true. stahn knows that leon being complicit in this didn't help. stahn may be kind of slow... but he knows all of this.
he knows leon is still a guilty party. he knows that leon did these things knowing the consequences of his actions. what he did was still a huge problem, and even though it's true he causes messes that needed to be cleaned up.
he isn't the sole reason for it.
he was coerced, and seemingly against his own morals just because marian's life was at risk.
stahn never once believed that what leon did was without reason.]
I know... you wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for Marian. I know that she's that important to you...
And I know that what Hugo wants and believes isn't what you wanted. So... even if those things are true, they still don't matter to me.
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They should matter to Stahn, but even so... Leon believes him when he says they don't. It's a very Stahn thing to say, and so despite Leon's frustrations... he simply sighs, shaking his head dully and glancing away. He doesn't know what else to do at this point, honestly.
He's just tired, and he knows he's guilty, and Stahn absolving him of that guilt isn't enough to erase it. And Leon knows it shouldn't be. He should never be able to just shake off the things he chose to do.]
How can you be so accepting of this? I chose this. I picked one single person's lives over all of yours, and everyone else's.
[That choice was wrong.]
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